As part of my independent project at university and show ‘The Dating Game’, I have had the somewhat interesting task of getting to grips with modern guides on dating widely available to singletons at local high street stores.
Some tend to revert to older, more tried and tested methods and tips for romance whilst others take a more updated laid back and ‘c’est la vie’ attitude to finding true love. But nothing could have prepared me for the horror that I stumbled upon on the shelf of a reputable high street bookshop yesterday.
‘The New Rules’ by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider contains such ridiculous and almost backward instructions on modern dating that on first glimpse, I actually thought this book was a spoof.
Rule #6 for example, instructs you to :
Wait at least four hours to answer a guy’s first text and a minimum of 30 minutes thereafter (Fein and Schneider 2013:46).
Four hours!!!! That’s nearly a full school day! (My preferred measurement of the slow passing of time when I was a young’un!) No wonder women get a bad rep for being complicated when this material is out there. The idea that you should wait this long is to make your date believe you have a life. Well you probably would have more of a life if you weren’t sat watching the clock, anticipating the next time you are ‘allowed’ to text your Romeo. Besides if texting back too ‘quickly’ implies to your date that you are not an ultra cool chick with a life (which you clearly are) then surely this person is not worth your time anyway??
Here’s an idea ladies, why not text back when you want to? Why does it matter if there is a sudden to-ing and fro-ing of excited ‘getting to know each other’ texts? Isn’t that what meeting someone is all about? Uncontrollable excitement (oi, don’t make your own up…) But seriously, say you hit it off with this date…playing the games has (oddly) paid off and you are suddenly embarking on a long term relationship which will see you both through until ‘death us do part’. In the event of this, I’m sure there will be an increasing pause between text responses, in fact, in some cases you may not even get a response. So why destroy the initial flurries of enthusiasm that are so likely to wane as time goes on. Effectively, these women are suggesting we RUIN THE BEST BIT!!!
Hold on a cotton picking moment, there’s more to this rule. Once in a committed relationship I should commit to waiting at least 30 minutes before responding to my beloved! That should go down very well when he’s standing in the chilled aisle of Asda wondering if we need to restock our Babybel supply (which more often than not we do, I can get through those things like water…).
Surely the ‘games’ should be long gone by now? When do these women ‘allow’ the games to stop?
Other things that are a strictly no go area are paying for dinner and my favourite to not dress in your own unique style or otherwise known as dressing for other women. What is fully endorsed however, is to
wear sexy, trendy (though not necessarily expensive) clothes, like tops that show some cleavage with a push up bra and short skirt’ (Fein and Schneider 2013:26)And dont forget that you are dressing for your man.
And this has been written by two WOMEN. Two WOMEN in the year of 2013. Well, Mrs Pankhurst would be thrilled at this news I’m sure.
Not only is it patronising to women in giving out these barbaric instructions, it is two fold in making men look like simple beings who actually enjoy these games and/or are tricked into believing that you are actually this ultra cool (and may I say abnormal) lady despite being rather slack, nigh rude when it comes to responding via textual means. I’m not saying drop everything. I’m not saying that you may actually and rather coincidentally be unavailable for four hours and only after this time can respond. That’s cool. We must do our thing. But part of doing our thing is doing what we want, not playing to silly rules in order to apparently entice a date into wanting us.
If anyone was considering reading this rubbish which verges on sexism then I would do so with a view to it being the exact opposite of what it promises to achieve. Following these rules could not only drive you crazy but are a sure way of landing you a pretty screwed up relationship reminiscent of the Victorian era but without the sexy bloomers…..
My new show ‘The Dating Game’ features host Linda who has an equally warped understanding of dating to hold a mirror up to the lunancy...but I am still deeply surprised that some people actually think like this and think this is an acceptable lifestyle choice. Linda is supposed to be funny because she represents an old and outdated way of thinking, or so I thought.
Nonetheless, if you do want a copy of this book, by all means let me know and you can borrow this one. I’d much prefer that than anyone further lining the pockets of these women.
Fein, E. and Schneider, S. (2013) The New Rules: The dating dos and don’ts for the digital generation. Britain
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